When your household unfortunately goes through the loss of a loved one, it inevitably creates a ripple effect throughout your entire family.
As a parent, it’s normal to feel added pressure to hold everything together as much as you can—which might mean perfectly answering every question and contrivedly protecting your kids from the depth of your sorrow.
However, the tough truth in these scenarios is that you’re also grieving—and this is perfectly fine. Learning how to support your children while you’re going through your own troubles can naturally feel overwhelming, but the good news is that you don’t have to be anywhere close to flawless to get through this.
We recently interviewed the best-reviewed funeral home in Springfield OH at Jackson, Lytle & Lewis to get in touch with their industry specialists who’ve helped countless families in the past with this exact situation, so check out the below sections to see what you should keep in mind to help your children navigate loss while you’re doing the exact same!
It’s Not An Issue For Your Kids To See You Grieving
A lot of parents feel as though they’ll frighten their children if they see them showing sadness, but if your kids see you crying or expressing emotions in a healthy way, it’ll actually teach them an incredibly important lesson around the natural response of grief.
You could say something like, I’m feeling sad right now because I miss Grandpa and it’s okay to feel sad, too.
This type of reassurance helps your children understand how these types of huge emotions aren’t wrong or dangerous in any way. You can also model emotional resilience and honesty in these situations by showing them that even the heaviest of feelings are always manageable.
And just remember that you don’t have to share every adult detail or worry going on through your head, because simply allowing your kids to see your emotions is a huge part of the healing process.
Maintain Your Daily Routines As Much As You Can
When it feels like the whole world is crashing down and nothing is certain anymore, your daily routines become powerful emotional anchors.
This could include your family’s bedtime rituals, regular mealtimes, and all sorts of other familiar weekly activities that give your household a sense of stability as you all internally go through emotional chaos.
And just remember that it’s okay if you feel as though you don’t have the energy to maintain every routine commitment. Try focusing on the basics like consistent sleep schedules, predictable mornings, and small daily rituals like reading with your kids before bedtime.
These simple routine rhythms help communicate safety with your kids, because maintaining routines helps give them space to move in and out of their own grief processes.
Invite Questions From Your Kids
Young children tend to be concrete thinkers, so they’ll likely ask you direct questions like are you going to die too or where did they go?
And although these types of hard questions are typically jarring for any parent, it’s important to remember that your kids are just seeking clarity and reassurance. Be sure to answer their questions as honestly as you can with age-appropriate language.
You should also avoid confusing euphemisms like went to sleep, because this could inadvertently make your kids scared. It’s also fine to not immediately respond to your kids’ questions and say something like that’s a tough question. Let me think about that for a little bit.
And just remember that grief isn’t a one-time conversation topic. It’ll unfold over the course of several months, and sometimes even years as your kids grow up and have more thoughts that need answers.
Give Yourself Permission To Not Always Be 100% Perfect
It’s normal for grieving parents to be hard on themselves when they forget something important, lose their patience, or simply need a break from it all. It’s essential that you remember just how much grief will drain your emotional bandwidth, and that being a grieving parent is almost always exhausting.
If you find yourself withdrawing or snapping at your kids, be sure to repair gently. Say something like I’m sorry I got frustrated earlier. I’m having a tough day because I miss Uncle Billy. These types of small repairs can help teach your kids more about emotional awareness and accountability.
You should also lean on your own support system whenever possible, which could include family members, friends and community groups.
Creating Ways To Remember Together
Grieving together as a family can be a powerful healing strategy. Consider common rituals like looking at photos, lighting a candle on special dates, and sharing favorite memories around the dinner table.
It’s also often a good idea to encourage your kids to write notes or draw pictures to the loved one they miss.
These types of shared remembrances help transition your grief into something more connective, and it helps remind your kids that love never disappears just because someone passes away.
Be Mindful Of Behavioral Changes
Grief sometimes exposes itself in the form of things like irritability, sleep disturbances, clinginess, or even regression from your children.
Your older children might become withdrawn or quiet, and as a parent it’s important to know that these reactions are normal—but that you should consider seeking support from a child therapist if these changes intensify over time.
There is always so much strength in asking for guidance from professionals who are experts in helping grieving children!
You’re Always Learning Together As A Family
Perhaps one of the most comforting truths that parents should remember is that you’ll never be navigating grief separately from your children. This is a learning process that you’ll go through as you remember and heal together.
You also don’t have to be some kind of perfectly composed parent during these tough times, because you simply only need to be present and there for your kids when they need you.
And just remember how grief is a direct reflection of love, and you’ll teach your kids how to walk through this reflection as they learn how love always endures—even in loss!